You Skipped a Chapter
by Keiri Bradon
Summary: The story behind the Countess's obsession with clothes. Based on the book R


_After you've read the passage about the Countess in the Princess Bride, have yo uever wondered why the Countess was so obsessed with fashion? Well, so did I. Here's my idea of why she became so dependent on clothes and makeup._

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**You Skipped a Chapter  
By Keiri Bradon**

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Jill was not always a countess. She was not always married to Count Rugen. No… once upon a time, in a not so far away kingdom, she was just your ordinary daughter of a noble who got whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted it.

I guess it is safe to say that Jill was never, well, popular. The other children never wanted to be friends with her – this made school a living nightmare.

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During her preschool years was when the torment started. During playtime, the other children would avoid her, annoyed at the fact that she had jewel-encrusted Lego pieces (this was after Lego pieces) while they had to be content with their grimy, old, sticky, plastic ones. They avoided her during naptime as well, for she cuddled up under her silk blanket, which was imported from China (this was after China), whereas their blankets strongly resembled beaten up rags. Jill was more than happy when it was time to leave for the elementary school, where she would complete kindergarten and grades 1-5.

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Perhaps it was because she was older and had grown accustom to the torment, or maybe it was the fact that the kids teased her for different reasons, but elementary school wasn't as bad as preschool. Of course, that doesn't mean that elementary school was perfect…it just meant it wasn't as horrible.

When she asked for filet mignon with caviar on the side during lunch, her classmates exploded with laughter, and she ran to the bathroom for refuge. When she didn't play with the other kids during recess because she was afraid of spoiling her new dress, the children teased her for weeks on end. The worst part was that she had to endure this for six years.

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Middle school was brutal. This was when groups started to form (this was after groups, but before cliques), and Jill was left out of all of them. Even Geeky Gerda had more friends than she did. No one asked her to the school dances (although there was never much dancing at these dances – the students mostly talked and stood around). Jill even tried running for student body president, but lost miserably. By now, Jill was dreading high school.

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High school turned out to be exactly what she expected it to be – a living nightmare. She was the only girl in the school who had yet to have at least one boyfriend, even if only for a day (the record for shortest relationship in Jill's grade was 45 seconds, and was held by Jonathan Nickols and Brianna Abraham). The boys all thought she was some stuck-up, rich snobby girl who wouldn't respect them (but they all kept pictures of her in their lockers because, even the other girls at the school had to admit, Jill was easily the most beautiful girl on campus).

Jill was Homecoming Queen all four years of high school, but only because the king and queen were chosen according to looks. No girl had even come close to matching Jill's beauty, so she won easily every year. Normally, becoming Homecoming Queen would make any teenage girl squeal with joy, but it made Jill depressed, for when she stepped up on stage to accept her crown, no one applauded.

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Eventually, during her senior year, Jill went to see the school counselor. She told the counselor about how she felt left out all her life, and her concern about why no one liked her. The counselor had observed these problems over the course of the last four years and was able to reply like this:

"YOU HONSETLY DON'T KNOW WHY EVERYONE HATES YOU?! I mean, are you blind? Everyone here works their hardest, scraping to make a living while you waltz down the hallways in you expensive silk gowns! You brag about all you fancy stuff and expect people to befriend you! You think you are too good for them, don't you? You think you are above them! On the outside my dear, I will not lie – you are exceptionally beautiful. But on the inside, you are ugly…quite ugly inside. SO STOP ALL YOU SELF-PITY AND GET OUT OF MY OFFICE YOU LITTLE…SPOLIED…ROTTEN…BRAT!!" Jill sat there in shock after the counselor exploded, but she quickly recollected herself and sprinted out of the room, refusing to cry.

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That night, as Jill sat atop her peacock feather mattress, velvet blankets wrapped around her, she finally broke down and sobbed. Fashion reporters were rambling on about some fashion trend on her 60" plasma screen television, but Jill was too wrapped up in her thoughts to pay attention to them. She wasn't that spoiled…was she? All she had was a walk-in closet the size of a football field, two laptops, one PC, ten cell phones, her own pretzel, slushy, smoothie, popcorn, soda, chocolate, and ice cream machines, seven VISA cards with no limits, a bad made out of ivory and diamonds, and a stable in her room for her pet pony (among many other tings of course). But everyone had that stuff…right? Maybe they hated her because she had her own salon, spa, sauna, McDonalds, swimming pool, gym, and an indoor prairie (to ride her pony in) in her house. Jill thought about it…Nah, that couldn't be the reason.

_'Ugly on the inside…'_ what did the counselor mean? Were her innards not as shiny and magnificent as she thought they were? Did she not eat the right foods?

And then it hit her! It was her hear that was ugly. Jill looked up at the TV: the reporters were still talking about the latest fashion trends. As she watched the stick-thin (this was after stick-thin, but before anorexia) models prance down the catwalk in their colorful clothes, she came to a conclusion. If she couldn't be pretty on the inside, then she would become more beautiful on the outside – to distract people form her inside! It was a brilliant plan, absolutely foolproof!

To become more beautiful, she would need much more clothes and make-up. Make-up was taken care of – she had her own salon and spa. The clothes were a different situation. She would only have to most beautiful outfits, and she would never wear one more than one, incase someone had already seen it on her and was able to look past it into her heart. Sure…she already had thousands of outfits, but that wouldn't even last her two years! She needed more clothes, clothes that were not only beautiful, but unique as well. She needed outfits that were sure to dazzle onlookers and distract them from her personality.

She would need to get her clothes from foreign places. This would make sure that the people in her country would have never seen and/or worn these outfits before. But this would be expensive…of course, she was rich, but not rich enough for all these clothes. She was only a duchess. She would need to marry someone rich and important… like a count! She _needed_ those clothes.

And thus, Jill's never-ending obsession for clothes, her passion for fashion, her quest to be the best, her MEANING OF LIFE, began.

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_Not bad for a school assignment, eh? We had just finished reading the Princess Bride in english class, and were about to start the movie when my teacher gave us this assigment. You were to write a 'ghost' chapter. It had to take place before or after the story's setting. We had to write in the style/voice of Morgenstern (which was where all the 'this was after/this was before' stuff came from). I decided on the countess because, well, no one else was choosing her, and this seemed like an interesting idea. It was the first one that popped into my head, and as much as I wanted to write about Vizinni, I just couldn't forget this idea. So...yeah. Here it is. Hope it't not too bad..._:)_ Please review_

**_--Keiri Bradon_**

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